i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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