They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
