So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
