On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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