And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
