one word: firstdatebathroomanal
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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