so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
