I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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