So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
