It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
