Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
