Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
