just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
