Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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