he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize