she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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