You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
