I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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