dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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