Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
