Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
