What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
