im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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