sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
