someone owes me an orgasm
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
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Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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