i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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