So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
