I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
