You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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