I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
