What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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