six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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