I think I died a long time ago.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
