I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
