she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
