Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
