Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
