I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
