you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
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I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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