woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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