I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
