first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
