Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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