this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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