every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
