i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
