barbara walters just said penis...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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