She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
