You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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