Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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