I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
