And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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