I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
organizing the empties. That sober.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
