I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
