she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
