In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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