he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
