If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
