apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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