I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
