You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
