and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
