so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
