what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
