Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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