so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
