I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ugly people sure do ruin things
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
