Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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