So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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