as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
