my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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