I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
