that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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